EmBrAcE iT

In attempts to relax from a long day at work and then the gym, I found myself absolutely mesmerized by the pictures that continued to pop up on my screen saver. Stuck in a trance of reliving every experience, moment and memory that the pictures revisited. Don't really know what more to say about it.

 I miss my girls but know they are out there and we carry each other in our hearts. 

I will be going back in February, but it just will not be the same without them. So many moments that slip through my mind or may be forgotten, but after seeing a photo the warmth quickly fills my heart. 

We were free. Although our families and friends back home were missed, we were free from any and everything. Problems, love and happiness back home were indifferent to us. We had each other and our new freedom. We had the world in our grasp and held it close and tight. We became explorers in our own adventures and hugged every moment with as much intensity as possible to never forget the feeling of being free. 

Fear did not exist. Fear of the unknown was another great adventure to explore the next bend. Not only did we find new friends and places, we found ourselves.  

We found new angles, dreams and discoveries we may have just passed by in comforting surroundings. 

Looking through these pictures, I was there once again. I was sitting on top of that mountain in Switzerland, breathless by the climb and the view. I was insanely content and free from any careless problem again. I could feel the support of Lindsay and the chill on my cheeks once again.

I was sitting on that stone hedge with Megan at the Island of Capri eating that sticky orange and making funny faces at Whitney as she photographed the moment. 

When we take photos who are we smiling at? Who are we blowing a kiss to? Who are we laughing at? Will we remember the joke when we revisit the picture in the future? Our future selves. We smile, blow a kiss, or laugh with our future selves to help us remember that time. Every photo taken for our future self and future onlooker.

It is easy to let time slip by and to just watch the hand on a clock make it's rotation, but it is even easier to hug every moment, to make every second worth it. To walk, to breathe, to look with passion. Whether it be hatred, love, happiness, whatever, it is so easy to be passionate and to embrace every step, breath, look and instant. 

Embrace it, let time run it's course and hug it with every bit of energy you carry with you.   

A Monday night. Wanting my ritual of writing every Monday to continue, I sit on my couch slightly distracted by the TV and internet, but begin to unravel my weave of thoughts.

I sit here and wonder how another fall has already crept upon us. It’s that in-between time where keeping the windows open at night means freezing when you crawl out of bed in the morning; winter seems to be looming in the air. How did this year, these months, and these days all go by so quickly? I’m sure that is everyone’s question when they look back upon the summer months or the first few weeks of the year, but it all just seems to go by so fast. It all seems to change so quickly.

Wishing you could go back to another moment on the lake, another instant in the snow, another minute of sleep is useless, a waste of a moment you can grasp.

Battler: a person who refuses to admit to defeat in the face of difficulty. The title of Gregory Douglass’ new CD, soon to be released in 2009. An amazing artist, one of the few that can sing and touch my soul. His words, his voice, his passion has a way of seeping through my skin and reaching the depths of my soul that just make me want to fall to my knees.

I was just on his myspace website (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=14107193)

And saw the title of his new CD and had to find the true definition of the word. I don’t know what it is about his music, but it has the ability to bring out any and every emotion of me. A person I once knew told me I had the ability to do that to him, how is this possible? How is it possible that a person I do not even know has this amazing ability without even knowing? Do we all hold these abilities without any knowledge? Is it possible that at some point in our lives we have this potential to draw every emotion from a person to their surface?

Have you ever had anyone like this in your life, or a person not even remotely in your life allow feelings you never knew existed become present and instantly prominent?

So a change of thought now that I’m done looking through the ‘word of the day’ on dictionary.com. I work with this person who is so contradicting. I feel this person gives situations the upper hand in their life and lets these things, instances or conflicts take over their mood, day and often week. I feel like this person allows things to effect them more than needed. However, in a contradicting view, I’ve also seen them not give a shit. As if whatever they were doing was nothing, meant nothing and it just dissolved and they are indifferent to the outcome. How can a person be so contradicting? Is it the difference between caring for something and not having any emotional ties to the other? 

Not sure, just thoughts.

I recently wrote a story for the Charlotte News, a story on Kelly Brush, creator of the Kelly Brush Foundation (http://www.kellybrushfoundation.org/ ) She became paralyzed a few years ago in a skiing accident, although recently paralyzed her dreams for life have only grown. A true inspiration and devoted woman.

My story was published on Tuesday and is on their website, (http://www.thecharlottenews.org/pages/kellybrushridesonsupportsothers.html)

It’s nice to see my name up there. J

Where were YoU?

Where were you 7 years ago on September 11th when two planes crashed into the The World Trade Centers in NYC? 

Were you still sleeping peacefully in your apartment? Were you jogging through the park thinking about all the activities the day would entail? Were you sipping a coffee outside a quaint cafe with a long-lost friend? Were you in class learning geometry? Or were you exiting the North tower building? Where were you?

I was sitting in one of the science classrooms at my high school with my friend Rihanna. The TV was on, silence swept through the school and the only sound that filled our ears was the newscasters and our own whispering questions.

I honestly wasn't in shock because I didn't really think it was real. I saw what it was, but at first I merely thought one of the buildings was on fire. I didn't grasp the theory that someone had deliberately crashed a plane into one of our country's landmarks and deliberately killed people. I did not understand that we were targeted and our country was in danger. 

It wasn't until that night when I was home alone, sitting on my living room floor working on a project for school, that I watched the news and saw people jumping out of buildings, and the footage of the collapse. I was then in shock. I'm sure like many other people that night, and for days to follow I watched the footage over and over again in disbelief and horror.

7 years later and we're still fighting, still defending and still claiming our ground. But does it or will it ever really end? Once this is over, something else will creep along and cause another 7 year battle to 'win.' 

Are we really winning anything, or just loosing our loved ones and dignity in hopes to grasp some power?

Sign Me Up

Alright so I was looking through some blogs online and liked the idea of adding photos, so I present to you this photo. It was taken on my mac while I was studying abroad in Rome, Italy. Pretty funny if you ask me. Apparently, we were bored with all the time on our hands and I had remembered the awesome photo booth conveniently located on my computer and this is what we came up with, along with a few others of course. 

Speaking of Rome - Here is a semi view from my cute, quaint little apartment I shared with 5 other girls. I miss it. I think what I miss the most is sitting on that balcony in the morning eating my cereal, or in the afternoon watching 'The Hills' or reading, or sitting on the balcony at night drinking wine with my companions. Yup, good times.

I recently had a reunion with 4 of the many people I hung out with while studying abroad. I traveled to Minnesota and had a blast. It's as if we all picked up right where we left off. We have carried on with our lives but continue to carry each and every memory and moment with us and hope to build more. 

It was fun, it was perfect, it was everything I needed.

Stop.

Blink.

Breathe.

Take a second

2See

The impaired,

Compare

2 The InDiFfErEnCe

of my COncerns.

If you face Death

If you conquer Death

Will you become

FEARLESS?

When the possibility of

DEATH

is present,

Are there no more concerns?

A Random Tap on the Wall

Interrupts my thoughts,

yet keeps me present.

BREATHE,

in...out...

Keys dangle,

he smiles...

I breathe.

Ice hits the glass,

the men talk

the pen writes

I Breathe.

Stand still.

stop in the street.

allow the people,

the conversations,

the birds,

the hope

the air

to pass you by....

to leave you where you

STAND

The caffeine hits my body.

my HEART beats faster,

my HANDS shake.

..breathe..

Feel this moment's entirety.

Feel the length of an emotion.

Feel the release of the past.

S l o w l y

b i t b y b i t

begin 2 let go

allow the love to dissipate,

allow it to SIT in your HAND

where your breath can let

that love become a million little pieces.

OUTSIDE MY body.

Soon it will not exist in me

soon it will not exist with me,

when that day comes,

you and I will be forever gone.

Ease up.

Bad.

OPINIONS.

USELESS WORDS...

MINDLESS WORDS...

that merely make us analyze,

dramatize,

and question our own moves.

----.

Pink watch.

stopped.

BROKEN from the MOMENT IT WAS ON.

useless.

yet satisfactory.

"wash your hands clean"

FoReSeE

the USELESSNESS of your desire

the unsatisfactory that accompanies those...

DESIRES.

Nothing more than a

MEMORY

A MOMENT,

An INSTANT,

A BLINK,

that I can carry,

and that I can leave behind.

Breathe...

Relax...

stop your thoughts,

stop your anger

and become

Present...

PINK SHIRT.

FLIES ON MY FOOT

FULL STOMACH

HERE.

--REMEMBER MY OWN WANTS--

Don't allow alterations -

Don't embellish

Stick to original

desires.

Don't become caught up -

washed up -

in the eyes,

the warmth,

the comfort.

Inevitability can not envelop.