Write.

Erase.

Write.

Erase.

Write, stop, blinking cursor.

She's right.

Silence. Moments of clarity.

Finally feeling

The heart keeps beating

It's going to be okay.

Silence

Stone

Cold

She's right.

Silence. Moment of Clarity.

Finally feeling,

the Heart Keeps Beating

It is going to be okay.

Consistent conversation

a comforting connection

close.

Rubbing the dry eyes

Reaching for warm skin

Feeling the keys

Searching for inspiration

Close the eyes

the silence prevails.

A brief note..

So we took our Italian friend to Amnesia last night... a very small, dimly lit bar in the Mission District. I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely LOVE bluegrass music. Who knew.

Windy Hill was playing and they did an amazing job.. check out this link.

They are planning on putting together a CD and are on Facebook and MySpace if you are interested!

A few hours to myself and clarity appears

A day off work, 12.5 miles and an amazing dinner later, I feel much better than when I woke to some upsetting news via email.

Apple in hand, stomach full and a fun night a head of me. Exams are done.. yet classes and assignments I am sure will still fill my days.

I can't believe how good a long run and a few hours to myself can make a difference. My head is clear and I am breathing easy.

5 days until Christmas! :-)

Christmas Tree Candles

You know when you have those moments that you know you will remember for the rest of your life...? I had one of those tonight.

Maybe it was the glass of red wine, maybe it was the half eaten chocolate turkey or maybe it was the scent of pine tree that the candle was exploding into my living room, but this feeling of relaxation came over me. This feeling of calmness.

I envisioned what it would be like and it looks beautiful to me. I envisioned what it would feel like and it feels warm to me. It's a peaceful feeling. I know it seems a bit ambiguous but that is just the way it is suppose to be.

It has felt good these past few days...it has been calming...soothing...and comforting. Immediate proof that it's all going to be okay.

I finally ran seven miles today... after a few days of laziness and pure isolation, I picked myself back up and ran it off. Nine tomorrow and a day of nothing but me.

The pine tree smell, AKA the Christmas tree smell (Thanks Mom) reminds me of home. Reminds me of snow covered pine trees and the muted lights that sit beneath the snow. A new way to spend the holiday this season... what better way than with a best friend. Holiday music has been sparse and Christmas cookies just seem uninviting in the kitchen... an invite to craft has been extended among Christmas parties and holiday celebrations that should commence next week.

2:24 reads the digital clock that sits in the upper right hand corner. I watched two episodes of an old favorite show tonight... that's right... I could have done homework, I could have studied more for my exam tomorrow... But how productive can someone really be at midnight? Needless to say I chose to watch some TV.

Contemplating a plane ticket home just to feel the cold air on my cheeks and breath in the cool, fresh air. The Christmas decorations will be gone and the holidays will be over... but sometimes the comfort of your own family is all you really need.

Deep breaths. I am tired. Work has been consistently slower and I continue to search for my pre-reqs. Time is closing in on me and I need these classes. 5 new programs to apply to and one that I am particularly excited about.

Barney lays across my stomach and begins to snore as my eyes drift between open and closed... Goodnight.

Dream on.

Where do you expect me to put it..?

I found this in my folder of drafts from a few weeks ago... I don't really know why I didn't post it. Maybe I felt as if it was incomplete... but for me right now, it is complete. Where do I place it?

"My love is like a raven with a broken wing," said the Italian that sat at my kitchen table. My heart went out to that love... that deep passionate love that burns deep inside my soul. I feel it. I feel it everyday and don't know where to place it on the shelf of life. Don't really know where to throw it at the indifferent tasks that take up my minutes. So I throw it at my schooling, I throw it at my little puppy that envelops my heart and I throw it at my time that I have for myself... it seems often obsolete and nonexistent but I know it is there.

A brief entry

Day off consists of sleeping in, awaking to french toast, laying on the couch and zoning out to Christmas Vacation while attempting to read Inequalities of Gender for sociology.

Movie is over, stomach is still full, chapter complete and lesson assignment ready to be handed in. Barney and I lounge.

Six miles on the road awaits me along with some much needed editing of the footage of our trip. No big plans but to study, sip on lattes and to stay warm. I thought California was suppose to be warm...? I had my winter hats shipped out just so my ears wouldn't fall off! Okay, so it is not that cold, but definitely colder than I expected.

Waiting to hear back on my acceptance into another round of classes before purchasing a ticket home... Laying out all my possibilities for nursing programs; the application process will begin at the turn of the new year.

Went through the slideshow of our pictures last night from our journey across the country. Although it happened and I obviously know it happened, I forget how amazing the trip was and how amazing it was to just get up and leave. It's liberating. It's nice to know that I can do that. That I can survive. The experience is something that warms me. I cannot wait to get on the road again or to explore a new culture/society, but right now this is where I am at.

I am spending my days at coffee shops, in front of computers, with my head in books, with my right wrist in pain from writing so much, with my shins hurting from my runs and with the hard pavement among my feet. I am spending my days traveling and seeing new faces among this city, getting use to the California way of life and dreaming of the next big thing. I am spending my days learning, growing and believing that it is only going to get better. That alone is exciting.

C'est la vie.