Why must an event, an emotion or some significant thing make us see that we become so caught up in the motion of events that take up each moment of our days and lives?
My grandma had a minor stroke this morning. It's crazy. My mom called me and from the first word she spoke, I instantly knew something wasn't right. In the two seconds that she assured herself that I was somewhere I could listen, horrible thoughts, images and possibilities ran through my mind. My dad, my sister, Kevin, my sister's husband, my grandmas.... every person raced through my head.
After she told me my mind instantly went into overdrive. I have to call Joey to see if I can use the car, I have to call my internship, I need someone to cover for me tomorrow at work...I need something, something to hold on to, an image of me holding onto something; a metal bar, something to steady me and my thoughts. It was like I couldn't stop looking around but I didn't even know what I was looking for.
It was scary. Ever since I watched my grandpa die of oral cancer when I was a senior in high school, I have felt like the one who has been there to take care of and comfort my grandma, besides my dad. I feel her and I's relationship has evolved and that I should be there for her. It's this sense of responsibility I hold not only because I love her, but because I love my grandpa. Taking care of her feels good and I want my grandpa to sleep in peace.
I hate how I can get so caught up in everything and it all just seems so indifferent. I mean here I am, about to graduate from college and I'm worried about getting a new place and finding a job. I'm so caught up in all of these standards that society perceives as important to succeed. Yes, I know we need a job to pay for food and all the necessities, but people just take it to a whole other extreme, and I feel like I get caught up in it.
We create the pace of life, the pace of our life, we can either continue to run through it or slow down and grab onto the important things or people close to our heart. We can't go through life jumping from place to place or job to job in expectations to somehow reach a higher level of succession. We can't allow society to set the goals for us and define what success is.
We can't let society set the tempo to the pace we run, all we can do is hold onto the things and people that make the pace feel right.
1 comment:
I hope Your Grandmother is ok, I really do from the bottom of My heart, such a sweet lady. As I watch My grandfather get older and his health start to slip without My grandmother makes Me so sad, She was the one lady that brought so much Joy to His life. Seeing such an amazing man at the end of his life, with such wisdom makes Me step back, to look at the bigger picture. Life moves so quick on this one ride through, Family is forever and sometimes We need to slow down to take it all in and appreciate these moments we are fortunate to have ,especially with those close to us. Sending My thoughts and Love to Your Family
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