The night has been interesting, mostly spent in the kitchen trying to piece together a puzzle and visit with my grandma. It's uplifting to know that we can all still make her laugh and laugh together. It's encouraging.
Caught this afternoon with an abrupt realization that sometimes what people say does not always live up to what they tend to do. A glimpse of the past hit me as I grabbed the stew out of the microwave and remembered all those things I mentally noted that I did not want. I did not know that it would occur to me that quickly, that all the things I learned would instantly pop to the front line of my train of thoughts and mentally remind me, that hey, this is something you do not want or do not like. An intimate nod of appreciation between myself and I that those moments did teach me something and this moment was something I could go without.
It was a contradicting feeling. Shocked at the words that not too long were pronounced and then denied after the statement, yet satisfied with my quickness of my own comprehension. Why say something or promise something if you are unsure that you can live up to those promises or words? A questions that always has baffled me. A simple request of not to promise anything you know you can not fulfill, promises evoke hope and if this promise is not fulfilled or broken it results in disappointment. Why encourage these contradicting feelings when they can be easily avoided? Make a promise if you know you can fulfill it, and if not then hold that hope to yourself and smile when you do secretly fulfill it.
Another weekend where the house will be filled with guest to visit my grandma. We had a scary night on Monday and I woke up Tuesday morning uncertain if she was still alive. Gladly she was and we have been blessed with her presence and smile until a higher spirit feels it is time.
God Bless.
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