Feeling satisfied with the amount of work that has taken over my week and hours through the days and even better about the things and moments that lie ahead.
I have recently returned from my week vacation on the west coast. An overall relaxing and wonderful trip with my mom and cousins. Explored the Grand Canyon and went to the floor of it in a helicopter, strolled up the Colorado river in a pontoon boat, walked the strip in Vegas where I stayed for the week, went on a few amusements rides 1400 ft in the air, went to some shows and had amazing food. A good, much needed, freeing week.
Now back into the grind of life and loving it. I started my new job this week and am happy to meet new people and to continue saving money for the cruise I plan to go on in January. There's always that bit of anxiousness and hesitation when I start a new job, but for some odd reason I just don't seem to have this here. It's as if I don't really care, but at the same time I do. I know I have it under my belt and will rock it, maybe I'm just confident in my skills and whether I can keep this job or not really doesn't matter to me. It's not a bad feeling, this lack of anxiousness or hesitation, it's actually sort of freeing.
So this cruise I'm contemplating going on before my European adventures in February, I'm pretty sure is going to happen, but I will not confidently know until next weekend. I want to, it just comes down to financial budgeting. But hey if you can hack it, then just get it done.
My grandma again had a possible 'mini-stroke' this week. All the more reason to cherish every moment with the ones that may soon slip from our lives. To hug, to hold, to kiss, to say 'I love you' to, so please take the time today to call someone that you love and to tell them that you love them. It will mean so much to them and just reiterate the passion, place and love you hold for them in your heart.
So here I am stuck, or not necessarily stuck but in this place of limbo of letting go and then embracing something new. Here I am letting go of a past I know, to embrace something possibly so much better. The rock I stand on once told me that the most exciting part is that what is still to come will be so much better and feel so much better. That what is still to come will hold all the things I know I want and will not be all the things I know I do not want. The rock I stand on once told me that I have choices and I can pick and choose based upon what I already know I like and want and what I do not like, nor do not want. It's rather exciting.
"She'll be okay, she just has to feel it," a quote from one of my favorite TV shows. Isn't that the truth though. The best remedy to getting over something, to dealing with some pain is to feel it. To feel it's entirety and embrace the pain with everything you've got. Whether it be in one big shot or a million different moments, just feel it. I haven't gone back because in the end what happened, was right. It was never meant to be and we were just fooling ourselves with the comfort of each other to believe that it was. That feeling of course comes and goes, but in the end it will stick.
About to fall asleep as 1 AM rolls around on the digital clock on my computer screen. Mindlessly zoning into the movie that is on the TV screen, yet telling myself to keep writing. On my last page of my journal that I've had for four years. It feels so good to have had it for four years and so awesome to be able to look back and read entries that I had written four years ago. I think I have finally found another journal that I want to write in for the next four years and plan on purchasing it shortly.
My mom just came into my living room to inform me about the amazing view that sits in the sky. The stars that I hardly ever get a chance to look at are in rare form and look absolutely beautiful. It's nights like these that I wish the hot tub was running and I could just go sit out in the boiling water and zone out to the life above me oblivious to it's life below, maybe next weekend.
So I went to Body Art this week to have my nose ring literally ripped out of my nose in order to replace it with a retainer. I started talking as the lady ripped it out and it hardly hurt, yes it sounds gruesome, but it was a million times easier then inflicting pain upon myself. The few times that I had tried to change my nose ring in the past I thought I was going to faint. I immediately became light-headed and started seeing spots. Inflicting pain upon oneself is not easy unless the pain is desired, in my case, of course it was not. I recommend to anyone that has a nose ring, or any type of piercing besides the ears, if you have trouble changing it and it hurts to change it, go to the place you got it pierced and have someone do it for you for free, it's extremely better and hardly hurts. My nice little hint of advice for the night.
OKAY it's time to go sit outside on the porch and check out the stars for a while. Goodnight.
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