Missing the moments...

Done with my two hour shift for the day and now sitting, replenishing my energy at a busy coffee shop on Church Street. Updating software on my computer, which always tends to slow things down just a bit. Waiting on an important email as I watch the rain fall from the sky and the pedestrians huddle under their tiny, $10 umbrellas for shelter. Chad Perrone sings to me and I allow his voice to drown out the cappuccino machine and wet, squishy shoes that walk across the tiled floor. 

Currently uninspired and feeling much like the sky looks. I guess I would feel the same way if I received a call like that, I guess I would push everyone away and I guess I would not want to talk to anyone. Or would I? I think about you. How can something so definite and prominent come to an instant, crashing end? It is easy to keep going and to deal with it through daily tasks, but it is hard when she makes me revisit it as she goes through it herself. I guess it is good for the both of us, I guess it is great that we both have each other, but at the end of every day as we attempt to tackle sleep and wrestle with the conflicting and inspirational events of the day, we embark upon that journey alone, with or without someone lying by our side. 

I often feel I waste time wondering and trying to answer my endless questions. I throw away so much time upon questions that do not have an effect upon me with or without their answers. I still can't surpass those few moments and I still find myself so caught up in them. Let it be what it was. 

Every day I live the same story, I guess I could carry on like I am indifferent to what happened and just swallow it, or I could skin my knees on the cement and just allow it to hurt and hit me as it should have. Do I always do this? Take the pain for a few minutes, hours or days and then swallow it because letting something effect me for that long is viewed as weak in my eyes? Am I weak? To let something so small, so microscopic arouse so many questions and distracting thoughts and for this long? Shouldn't I have let it go the day it happened? Should I have left it right were it started? Once again contradicting, endless questions.

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine." Ralph Waldo Emerson. I was googling inspirational quotes and came upon this quote of life. I like it. I am not sure as to why, it is true though. The shadows that lay on the pavement were created by us, by our stance, by the construction of the buildings, by our own movement. Our thoughts, our dreams, our wishes, our days, our journeys, our tasks are all created by us. We can either stand in our own way of achieving greatness or we can step aside and clear the path to accomplishing everything we ever wanted. 

And he is right, the great man of wisdom and rock that helps me stand, "you just miss the moments." Thank you my wise friend. 

Time to step out into the rain without a rain coat and umbrella and carry on to where my feet lead me.