Perseverance

Reading over my last entry and noticing the date it was posted, and I think, 'yes I am due for another entry.'

In the middle of cooking dinner for a party of six. On tonight's menu:

Sliced tomatoes and avocados drizzled in olive oil, salt and pepper

Sourdough baguette with french brie cheese.

Mixed green salad with a balsamic red wine vinaigrette.

Baked chicken with roasted potatoes and sauteed green beans with onions and garlic.

Vanilla ice cream and key lime sorbet with berries.

Wine is welcomed.

Seemingly endless days of work leads me to two days off. Napa Valley tomorrow to explore the vast wineries and then 20 miles on Wednesday to simply start the day.

My girlfriend was recently in town. As we picked up right where we left off and sipped on our sparkling wine to celebrate our few days together, the stories, memories and gossip seemed to simply roll off our tongues.

As I have written once before, being around GF helps to heighten my dreams and allow me to be much more aware of my aspirations. I came to this realization one morning in Vermont as we sat outside Speeder and Earl's on Church Street. We sat there coming up with our list of dreams and things that we will accomplish. As I sat there and thought about the possibilities, I realized and she helped me realize, that it is all very possible. A hostel in Europe, an American bakery in a foreign country, a nurse, a traveling nurse, and a journalist, among many other things. A list of seemingly random goals that could all very well be accomplished.

As we sat on the 39th floor of the Marriot in San Francisco, sipping on our cocktails and looking over the city, an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction came over me. Each step I take, homework assignment I complete, exam I schedule, dollar I earn and mile I run, my goals continue to grow and I persevere in touching upon my list of aspirations.

Barton calls me head strong...maybe you can also call it stubborn, but I don't think I have ever wanted to be good at so many things before in my life. I cook not only because I love it, but because I want to be good at it. I take classes and respect my professors because I want to be a good student, but also because I want to succeed. I want to be knowledgable in my field of study and once I enter into my profession, I want to be the best. I run because I love it, it is freeing and it keeps me in shape; I want to be a great marathon runner. I wait tables to earn the money I need to live and pay for school, but as I wait tables, I try to be the best server I can, I want to be respected and create an admirable reputation for myself.

I just want to do well, I want to prosper and I want to reach my goals and dreams. Life is too short to sit around, live in an unhappy situation of miserable circumstances and wait for something better to come along. If anyone really thinks that the best moments happen by waiting for them and not seizing new experiences or moments, then by my opinion, they are creating a lifeless existence. Why let other people determine your fate? Why let other people control the things you want to do or the things you want? Within this life there is only us, there is only you. I am not saying destroy people to get to the top, but I am saying seize the moment and do what you want to do. Follow your dreams, open up and allow yourself to realize the possibilities. Don't let someone else control your fate.

I want to be good at everything I do. Actually, I strive for excellence. For the A's, for the great meals, for the shorter marathon time, and for the punctual employee. These daily goals make me stronger and make me a better person. I am not invincible, but I strive for excellence and brilliance.

So as the night comes to an end and I will soon find myself happily closing my eyes, I can sleep well knowing that I have tried my best today. I will wake in the morning with a few hours to study and a morning run and then take the day to enjoy the company of close friends.

Strive for excellence, although some days it seems impossible and exhausting, days like those make the accomplishments that much more rewarding.

God Bless.

Do they coincide?

---A random morning after returning from my trip.

Growth and happiness, do they coincide? Do they encompass each other? I sat around with my friends from home and watched them as I saw their growth in the time that had passed. I am proud. Their growth is symbolic and reflective of my own growth. Their happiness is symbolic and reflective of my own happiness. It was a comforting feeling.

As we grow, do we gain happiness? It could have been the way it always was, but through ambition and a new degree of desire, the norm shifted to something new. A great something new. A positive twist to something that was so engrained.

So, here I am, back in the city that helps me grow. Instantly back in the swing of things. Days consisting of hours with books, running endless miles and nights in comfort. Application deadlines are approaching as one is already behind me. I continue to type my thoughts in my phone as I ride the muni to the bart and the bart deeper into the city. Epiphanies take me by surprise and I find myself vigorously typing.

I'll continue to listen to my country music in this new city as I glide through the crowds and embrace my own happiness.

"But it doesn't really matter anymore..."

The tear rolls down my cheek and I click 'new post.'

I silently packed tonight. I silently folded the clothes and carefully placed them in my suitcase. It has come and is now going, a brief trip home and I will return to the west coast.

I don't really know what my problem is. It hits the bed.

'say your goodbyes, and off we go.' 'some conversation, no contemplation, hit the road.'

I can't sit still long enough to just stop. The choice was made. It was out of my hands. This feeling is not about that.

I sat at the bar surrounded by best friends.

My last full day tomorrow before I go back. What do I want to do? I am scheduled to run 17 miles. I accomplished eight tonight with some lifting. I gave my thoughts one mile before I shut down, shut off and simply glided for the last seven miles. This won't matter in two weeks. This won't matter on Thursday.

It just doesn't matter.

A Morning in Vermont

Can't sleep. Yet unable to get out of this amazingly comfortable bed. Concerned that the puppy is chewing on my boots. Home for a week and it already seems to be flying by. Hitting the gym in a little while to gain some footing and then a full day of massages, pedicures, lunches, dinners and shopping. It is quite luxurious. Apparently snow is on the way. My stomach is hungry. Trying to remind myself how I got here, not physically but part physically and mentally. It's weird to think that I have a life on the west coast that no one here knows about. It is very weird actually. I guess they know the important thing and that is that I've landed safely. But they don't know the little things. The bus route I take, the coffee shop I love, my favorite building in the city, the thoughts I have when I look at the Bay bridge. Maybe it is partly my fault and my lack of sharing or documenting. But either way, I have a whole other life across the country that is certainly unknown to them. But I guess that's how it's going to be when you simply get up and leave. Things here are refreshing. Maybe it is the pure, cold air or just the ability to breath freely for a little while. Some things have changed while others have stayed the same. But it's not all that surprising. Deep breaths, realizations and a few moments to stretch. Filling my stomach and hitting the gym.

God Bless.