Promise the Moment

Finally plopped into my comfortable bed, with my computer on my lap and a very old CD playing on my ipod dock. A long day consisting of a double, a short break in between to switch cars and spend some time with my grandma and then quickly back to work ending with a great workout at the gym. 

My mattress begins to envelop my body and my eyes suddenly feel 10 times heavier then 2 seconds previous. It was denial. My last entry, yesterday and still this moment. I know what's going to happen to her but I can't help but continuously question how it happened so fast and how alive she still seems. Yes, I'm sure much like the fact that she has cancer quickly hit us last week, so will the bad days and moments. I guess right now I can be thankful that she is still so alive and so present and so talkative and still expresses her love for everyone. All I can ask for are many more moments and days like these. Take the time to tell everyone in your life that you love them, and take the time today to help out a stranger, the world can be a warmer place if we all try a little harder.

I'm very happy that this week has gone by. Yes I know I always pry on living every moment to it's fullest, but this week has been grueling. I wouldn't take any late night, any hard work day, any tear, any laugh, any joke, any break down, any ice cream, any kiss, any question, any smile, any breath back, I'm just happy that I'm still standing. 

So I got this email today from an acquaintance and at the end of the email it said 'we'll meet up next week, I promise.' I was taken back by this promise from this mere acquaintance of mine, a person I hardly know making a promise to me. I looked at the word 'promise' a few times and then closed the email. For some reason this word has stuck with me throughout the day and I can't quite figure out why. 

I once blogged about this question of 'what can a promise endure.' I wrote about this last year when I was in Europe and began contemplating things that I had gone through and promises that had been made. It's a good question. I honestly feel like promises are open-ended and hold too much responsibility. I believe, under no circumstance, should anyone promise someone something. Shit happens and if that promise can not be fulfilled there leads to this lame disappointment that never needed to be there in the first place. For example, when two people get married, they promise each other to love and to cherish and to bla bla bla but really how can two people promise each other that their lives will always coexist? The only thing we can promise ourselves and others is the current moment. We can not make promises for the future, or for something better, because in the end we have no control over what happens and to make a promise may just lead to disappointment. 

The only promise we can make to ourselves and to others is the current moment, the current click to the clock and the current air we breathe. 

Oh I was published again for the Charlotte News! Check out my story! http://www.thecharlottenews.org/pages/velcoputsfinishingtouchesonferryroadportionofproject.html