Heartache vs. Unchosen Abandonment

So here I sit.. at my parents house, catsitting, no one here but Bernard, Ace and I. I sit here, watching probably the saddest movie on TV and I choose to sit here and cry. "P.S. I love you." I don't even know what to say about it.

As I sat and watched, sat and cried, and still continue to watch my heart aches for her. I can not fathom it, I can not fathom the possibility of being so inlove, so intertwined, and so connected with someone that it feels as if your two heart beats are in constant symmetrical rhythm with each other and then instantly poof, gone, taken away like the past second by a brain tumor.

It is heartbreaking to have your heartbroken by a man: a father, a lover, a significant figure, but it is undenibly torturous, deafening, and hurling to have your man taken, to be abandoned not by choice. I do not know this from experience, this torturous, deafening, hurling feeling and I hope to never feel it. But in my own naiveness, is there a line? Is there a difference between the heartbreak and the unchosen abandonment?

Do I even want to know?

To be inlove: To embrace his chest against your back as the warmth of your bodies envelop the comforter. To roll over and kiss his puffy lips from a good nights rest. To jump into his arms. To fight. To make up. To make love. To get lost in his stories in a loud restaurant. To see the world together. To hold hands in an uncomfortable situation. To hold hands. To laugh. To joke. To cry. To sneak unexpected, unallowed glances his way. To whisper into each others ears in the empty house. To believe in each other. To encourage and support each other. To smile. To share. To help. To dance in an empty room, on an empty floor.

This is what I know and this is what I feel. I have had my heartbroken, I have felt suffocated and I have felt abandoned, but without those feelings I could not have felt these. So does it really matter if there is a difference between heartbreak and unchosen abandonment? Is there a difference when love becomes so overpowering, so consuming and so beautiful? Does not lose blend together and blur into the same line?