September 11th 2009

I woke up this morning to the darkness outside the window and to the music coming from the alarm clock. I rolled over wanting to postpone the work day and feel the warmth of his skin a few hours longer, I embraced him as my eyes slowly opened and I felt a sense of gratitude to have him in my life. I got up, put my clothes on and started the pot of coffee.

It's hard to believe that it was 8 years ago. It's hard to believe that 8 years ago my grandma and grandpa were still present in my everyday life. It's crazy how fast time goes by. I feel that I loose a great deal of perspective of time. When I was a kid time stood in my way, all I wanted was Christmas to come faster or vacation to be just one day longer, but now I just can't seem to hold on to an hour. Where does it go?

I'm currently in a coffee shop, I had many ideas and plans for today: to journal, to blog, to go to City Hall, to read, to have a meeting, and here I am blogging, yes, but there just isn't enough time.

I feel stuck right now. I'm trying to plan my next move and am emotionally struggling. Yes, I want to leave here, I want to move on to bigger and better things, but my drive to apply for a job, find another apartment, take the TEFL course and move across the ocean seems so draining. Do I have the time to do it all? Where do I even begin? Do I even want to be teaching English? Is it for me? Should I follow my dream of being a journalist even if nothing is evidently available?

I feel very alone in this process although we are planning to go together. Is this what I really want? Here it is, my doubt, my insecurities point blank on the page in front of me. Is this what I want? Is it as big as I want to go or do I just want to run free with nothing drafting me.... ? Somedays it seems so clear, and other days I am left with so many questions.

Where do I go from here?

Life has changed drastically for everyone over these 8 years since such a significant event took place. Today, September 11th of each year, everyone is a 'New Yorker.'

Remember the fallen and remember the ones that defend our freedom. Remember the ones that had no other choice but to fly, remember the brave souls that took over that one plane and defended themselves, remember everyone that lost someone on that very significant day. It is a part of our history now, it is a part of our vision and it will forever be a part of our memory.